I am one of the wild ones.

 

I have gone down to the depths of the dark places of my soul

I have run with the wolves and howled at the moon.

I have wrestled with the fears of my own subconscious mind.

I have faced the monsters that lie under my bed.

 

I am one of the wild ones.

 

I wasn’t always this way.

For years I tried to tame this wild woman inside me.

 

Be quiet, be still, submit to a man,

“Change everything you are to be what I want” he said.

I tried to conform myself to gain their love.

Every time I was left. Not chosen.

Abandoned.

Even if not physically my lovers left me long ago for other loves.

The love of substances, the love of the law, or the love of their own egos.

 

Then I saw her.

Brown innocent eyes.

Long dark hair.

She was standing there, bold yet scared.

I realized it was time to choose her.

 

I took that little girl by the hand.

I walked her towards the temple of love.

For I knew what was inside.

 

Inside stood a goddess that sparkled with golden light.

It surrounded her.

It was her.

She had long flowing locks.

She radiated love.

She was love.

She was me.

 

She was not a wild woman tamed.

She was a wild woman birthed.

A woman who fully embodied and owned her worth.

The power seemed to drip from her.

Instead of seeking love from others, she offered it instead.

She always knows the loving thing to say.

She always knows the loving thing to do.

 

I let my little girl soak up the fiery rays of love that radiated from her.

I let her soak in the pools in the temple of love until they enveloped her in warmth and she floated weightlessly.

I knew that before she could be a wild one,

Before she could be a goddess herself,

She would have to face the parts of herself she didn’t want to see.

 

She had to go down to the depths of the dark places of her soul.

She had to run with the wolves and howl at the moon.

She had to wrestle with the fears of her own subconscious mind.

She had to face the monsters that lie under her bed.

 

For if she never faced them she would stay trapped there forever.

Warring with the ghosts that haunted her.

So she opened every wound. She stared into the bloody bits of the past and felt it fully.

She didn’t look away. She stared them down with eyes wide open.

For to feel it fully is the only way to be free.

 

In doing so she became stronger.

They no longer held a grip over her mind and heart.

She was free.

Bit by bit she was becoming a wild one.

A goddess of love.

Bit by bit she radiated gold.

 

She became that wild woman.

The one who the right man would never seek to tame, but instead just fucking admire.

Never again would she conform.

Never again would she accept the words “you are not enough”

Never again would she not be chosen,

because she chose herself.

 

I am one of the wilds ones.

I have gone down to the depths of the dark places of my soul

I have run with the wolves and howled at the moon.

I have wrestled with the fears of my own subconscious mind.

I have faced the monsters that lie under my bed.

 

And I won.

-Amanda Leigh Thiessen