I had a dream last night about a guy who was interested in me in college. He was very much a gentleman and walked me to my dorm often. He was tall, handsome and distinguished. A true catch.
But I was not interested. I think his level of maturity scared me. It was a conservative Bible college and I was rough around the edges. I was confused why he even liked me. I didn’t feel worthy of his attention. He made his feelings known and I rejected him.
What I wouldn’t give to have that guy asking me out now. I looked him up. Of course he is happily married with a beautiful family. As he should be. Healthy people can do that.
Instead I picked the guy who had a major history of dependency on drugs, alcohol, and jail time. Yep. I was wired for it. Now this person didn’t show up this way when we were dating. Oh no. He said and did all the right things and I felt I was with the most wonderful guy on campus.
Fast forward to when we got married and real life hit and everything changed. Even though I deeply wanted real love and a great Christian marriage my internal imprint was wired to be attracted to guys who treated me less than valuable. I also wasn’t innocent in the whole thing.
This same imprint wired me to operate in the masculine to protect myself and often be-little my men, and sabotage relationships. I had no clue what I was doing.
Why do some have healthy relationships and some do not? Why are some people just wired to be attracted unhealthy people? Because it feels normal. If we have been imprinted with this kind of love we are destined to go for it. Every. Single. Time.
It takes more than two people who are attracted to each other, have the best intentions and even the same belief system to have a healthy flourishing relationship and marriage. It just takes more.
Unless we switch something, we are destined for more of the same. We have to go in and literally re-wire our sub conscious mind. This is what I help my clients do. This is what I have spent the last 7 years doing. I didn’t have a path laid out for me and had to find my own way. That’s not what I want for you. I want to streamline it for you. It is a process but when you have the steps laid out for you it can be effective and powerful.
Last Friday on my #fearlessfriday video I talked about the three stages of Love, what they look like and how they can lead to divorce. My passion is not just to help those who are wading through the confusion of divorce, but maybe even prevent them from having to in the first place.
You can do the work. It starts with you. So what will it be? More of the same or do you want to change your wiring for love?
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You are loved,