It’s holiday time again. Every holiday that creeps up when you’re going through divorce or heartbreak can be a slap in the face reminder of your situation. Even if some time has passed from your divorce it can still hurt.
For me it is extra hard because I have no family here in Santa Barbara. My family is home in Canda, and it’s just Audrey my two year old. Like usual we will find something to do this weekend, but sometimes it stings to look around at the families BBQing on the beach, or couples holding hands on the boardwalk.
Holidays are a chance for you to check in where you are at in your process. The truth is we all know even in a relationship those times can be incredibly lonely. In fact I would rather be alone than be in the types of relationships that I used to be in with unavailable men.
The holidays were painful, and I often had high expectations that were never met. Expectations coupled with being with a man who was either getting drunk to numb himself, on his phone ignoring me, or so fearful of love and unavailable that I was miserable trying to convince him the entire time. (All different men!)
Some times it is better to be alone. I shake my head in disbelief at what I used to put up with. What I used to think wasn’t settling. I want so much more now. I desire a fully present man. I now know I am worthy of it.
I know this weekend can be painful for you depending on where you are at in the process. Even when you have done tons of work to shift your mindset and worked through your stuff, holidays can trigger the strongest of souls.
Hang tight my friend. This too shall pass. I believe pain can be a propeller to growth if we let it. Joy is always magnified when you have pain to compare it with. Some day I will look back on this time and it will make me so incredibly grateful for what I now have. I truly believe my love story is not over yet.
In the meantime here are some tips to get you through the holidays if you are alone
1. Make plans – do your best to find some friends or something fun to do so you are not alone. Sometimes I straight up tell my friends I need to not be alone this weekend. I ask when I can tag along with their family. Usually they are more than happy to have us and allow us to be a part of their weekend. Most people really don’t know the pain of being alone through divorce unless they have been through it. You have to ask for help and more often than not they want to help you.
2. Look for the blessing- there are always things to be grateful for even if you are alone. Try to make a gratitude list each day over the holiday weekend to help you stay in the right perspective.
3. Make your own fun– If you have shared custody and you only have your children for part of the holiday make that part really fun. Your kids don’t care about what you do as much as they want to be with you and have fun doing it. They can feel your energy and the happier you are they will follow suit. Find ways to increase your joy with your kids. Have a water gun fight, go camping, or have a fire pit in the back yard.
4. Find a way to serve- Service really gets you out of your own head and into your heart. You realize life doesn’t revolve around your pain and there are others who desperately need what you have to give. I know the holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas are easier to find ways to give but this holiday you can make your own way. Look for it I bet you can find it
Here is my final tip for this holiday weekend! Join my Divorcing with Dignity Summit. This weekend is the final replay period of all 21 of the amazing interviews. If you are alone and have time on your hands it is a great way to learn some great truths on what steps you need to take to move through this time of your life effectively and come out the other side. Click Here and join the other 600+ people who are watching this amazing Summit.
As always I am here if you need support reach out!
You are loved dear one, and so am I