Back in 2011 the first exercises I did in my journey towards transformation was this:
I drew an two ovals on separate pieces of paper. Not sure why that shape. That is just what I did. And inside of it I drew out all the painful moments of my past. One was for my childhood, and one was for my journey with men. I physically drew the moments out. As I opened that door to let my wounds seep out so much more came out with it. I realized all this time I was walking around with gaping, oozing, wounds with a bandaid on them. I was wondering why my relationships were failing me and why I couldn’t seem to find happiness.
I wept. I wept hard. It was as if the moments were happening right in that instant. I realized how much pain I had kept pent up inside myself. Seeing them on paper brought some relief. I then prayed and offered them up to God and begged him to heal me.
As my journey continued I realized God wasn’t going to magically wave a wand and heal them. He would take me on a transformative journey to heal my own wounds. He would provide the tools for me, but I would have to do the work. I prayed so badly for Him to heal my marriage and take away this pain. He didn’t. He had something else in mind. The potter and the clay.
Oh how he has broken that old pot down to nothing. But oh how He has lovingly put me back on the wheel and molded me back into something beautiful. All the cracks are slowly being healed and what is left is an instrument for use. Something that can actually HOLD love and pour it back out to others.
I used to just be so broken and full of cracks any love that came in I sucked up and it leaked it out all over. I had no way to retain it, or give to others. Now my pot is full of love from within and I can give without.
I encourage you whatever is showing up for you in your outside world in relationships is just a reflection of your inner world. We tend to blame the other person and loose sight of the fact we are teaching them how to treat us.
I would love to help you navigate how to start this healing process. Contact me to book a session and start your transformational journey to healing.
You are loved,