If someone had of told me divorce would be my teacher I would of laughed.
Divorce? No way I am doing that. I know from my parents and experience it is not for me.
Yet here I am. Because truth is, what you resist persists. So could the very thing I determined not to happen to me be happening because I am trying so hard to resist it?
All I know is Divorce has been my teacher.
Heartbreak has been my biggest propeller to growth.
Unless you have been through a divorce it is really hard to wrap your mind around.
In fact I have found unfortunately many judge. It is such a stigma and with it comes shame, pain, and feelings of failure.
I can tell you this if someone is going through a divorce the last thing they need is more shame, pain and feelings of failure. They are punishing themselves enough.
Unfortunately many people just don’t get that. I have had some bad experiences in this department. It is so easy to judge something you have no capacity for understanding. Many people do. Judge. Until you have had something disintegrate right in front of your eyes it is easy to shake your head and say “tsk tsk, such a shame they gave up so fast.”
I am thankful for my failures in relationships. They have changed me. Through this love work I am finally becoming the woman I always hoped I would be. I have learned I am the common denominator in my relationships. I have learned what I have needed to heal and let go of to truly have success in love. I am walking that path now and I will have it.
I am learning to love all the parts of myself that only I can see. I have learned no other person will fulfill that, and the more I think they will the more I set them up to fail.
Divorce has been my teacher.
There are moments that I have felt such dispair I didn’t want to continue on. You wake up and realize everything you thought you were building and working towards is just gone. You wonder if you should even get dressed for the day. You cry when you are driving and realize you have aimlessly been sitting at a green light you thought was still red.
Even through the moments of deep darkness and failure there is hope. Hope that you can begin again.
Often people ask me if I have given up on love. If I am bitter and jaded. The answer is no. I can never give up on love. There is too much love inside of me to give to have it wasted. I deserve to have that reflected back to me. I will never let the fear win. It would be easy to contract, to shut down, to let fear take over and live numbly. That just isn’t for me. I will never let fear conquer. I will always let love in.
I have learned to be wiser with my choices of partners and I can smell an emotionally unavailable man a mile away. I have drawn my line in the sand. Only a man who is open himself can meet me there.
If you are going through divorce or heartbreak, let it be your teacher. Let it crack you open so wide so more love can get in.
You have a choice you can let it make you bitter or better. I choose better….How about you?