Love Metamorphosis

A woman's transformation


nounplural metamorphoses:

1. a profound change in form from one stage to the next

2.a complete change of form, habits, structure, or substance, as transformation by magic

3.any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances


I have been on this journey for about 5 years now. Nothing like heartbreak and pain to push you to the point of change.


Such a terrible word.

It is what led me to this path of transformation to begin with. This is my second. My second divorce at age 33. Sometimes I can hardly believe it. Sometimes I think a big D is tattooed on my face. Other times I think it is just my journey and my calling.

I am fascinated with the monarch butterfly. It’s transformation is miraculous. It’s journey is long. It flies over 2,000 miles to a new home.

I did my own migration 4 years ago from the East Coast across to the west. California was calling my name. I packed it all up and followed the butterflies here. Sometimes I think it was a huge mistake. Other times I know I would’t be who I am, or have my sweet daughter I have now if I didn’t.

I have decided to write this blog to share with women going through divorce, or women just needing a metamorphosis in love, the tools, and the moments of transformation that have happened in my own life.

This is my calling. I didn’t know where to start so I am just starting here. I trust God. I trust that I am meant to do this….and I will do it. Be vulnerable, share my pain, share my story, in hopes that if it helps just one person it is for a purpose. Being vulnerable is the only way I know to be.

So here it goes…………
Featured post

New Moon.

I guess it’s time for an update….


I have been hesitant.


For many of you who have followed my journey in love, you know it hasn’t been easy. You have seen me declare to the world “This is it!”…A few times now. And each time I am left looking at the pieces of the house that burnt down around me wondering….what the fork happened?

Until I figured out what happened. It never started right. I wasn’t right. They weren’t right. It all wasn’t right.

I had no idea how to do this love thing. I had no idea what the key to it was. That I think we can all agree was obvious.

So I’ve met someone. And I have been scared. In fact I didn’t even share a thing about him or us for a few months into our relationship. In fact he had to ask me. Why don’t you want to post that picture? (This coming from a man who is invisible to find in the online world, which I love actually. But he knows I am not. He knows I share vulnerably and couldn’t help but notice my lack of it.)


I was terrified. What if I am made to be a fool again? I know that is not true but I can’t help waiting for the other shoe to drop after all I have been through in love.

But then I met this wonderful man.  This man who holds both of my feet so no shoe drops at all.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So I knew I had to do something new this time around.

When asking my dear friends who have met and married the love of their lives how they knew they always said: “It should be easyyyyyy” “It should feel like a comfy pair of sweat pants”. As I looked at the people I was dating or had in the past it was everything but that. In fact sometimes it felt about as easy as an camel through the eye of a needle, and as comfy as a burlap sack. Now I know what they are talking about. This feels easy. And that….is new. I have never felt that before. We just flow effortlessly.

He was in fact my friend first. A dear dear friend. We got to know each other on a deep friend level first. I have never done that before. That was new. 

He just keeps showing up. In all my messiness, my crazy life as a single mom, in my fear, in my worry, in my goofy, playfulness. He just keeps showing up. He treats me unlike I have ever been treated before. Adoring me and pursuing me. He never leaves me guessing, and he always shows up on time. He doesn’t blink in the eye of my 3 year old’s tired tantrum, or anything else we throw at him. In fact he downright adores my kid and is amazing with her.

There is a feeling of unconditional acceptance and we’ve got each others back. That is also new. I have never felt that before.

I have learned now that love is a journey and takes each day showing up and choosing one another. I know it won’t always be this “easy”. But there is a feeling of we are both in this for the long haul.

I’ve learned my job is to make sure I am taking care of me and showing up in the best way for him. I have learned this means activating my feminine energy and really practicing self love and self care so I am not expecting someone else to meet all my needs. I love the feeling of letting him lead, and how he steps in his masculine, in a strong rock like manner. It allows me to flow and be in the moment with him. This I have learned is the KEY to lasting attraction and love. Polarity must be present. I had some great teachers along the way that taught me how to leave my old masculine ways of doing relationship behind and embrace my feminine. (If you would like to know more about how I did this feel free to reach out…if your relationship or love life is struggling I guarantee this has something to do with it.) For the first time I have a truly masculine man and I am in my feminine effortlessly. This is also new.

“I’ll Keep you wild if you keep me safe. ” This was the tag line he read on my dating profile when we were just friends at dinner one night. He looked at me with a little bit of a twinkle in his eye and said “I like that”. It wouldn’t be till weeks later when he made his move to take us out of the friend zone, but some how I knew in my gut it was a special man I had sitting across from me.

I was addicted to unavailable love because I myself was unavailable. Because here is the thing. True love is insanely vulnerable. There is no hiding, you are fully seen. I was comfortable with men who were unavailable and didn’t choose me because I didn’t really want to be chosen, because then they would see me. All of me. And then I risked real rejection.

I had to really get vulnerable and accepting of myself to become confident enough to have a good man like this fully choose me. Nick and I look at each other with eyes wide open. Not shutting them in fear. This is the first time this has happened for me. No fear. No wavering from him. Fully choosing me, and me wanting him too. This is definitely new.

The night Nick kissed me for the first time under the north star when he moved us from the friend zone to something much much more, he put his hand on my heart and said “wild.” and  put my hand on his and said “safe”.  I will never forget that moment. I will never forget any of this. Because dear friends…this is all new.




Sober love

We were on fire
I slashed your tires
It’s like we burned so bright we burned out
I made you chase me
I wasn’t that friendly
My love, my drug, we’re f-d up,

‘Cause I’ve been on the run so long they can’t find me
You waking up to remember I’m pretty
And when the chemicals leave my body
Yeah, they’re gonna find me in a hotel lobby ’cause

Mmm tough times they keep coming
All night laughing and f-ing
Some days like I’m barely breathing
Then after we were high and the love dope died, it was you

The pill I keep taking
The nightmare I’m waking
There’s nothing, no nothing, nothing but you
My perfect rock bottom
My beautiful trauma
My love, my love, my drug, oh

My love, my love, my love, my drug, oh
My love, my love, my drug, we’re f-d up

You punched a hole in
The wall and I framed it
I wish I could feel things like you
Everyone’s chasing
That holy feeling
And if we don’t stay lit, we’ll blow out
Blow out

– Pink



I’ve been chasing a high my whole life. It’s what I thought love was supposed to feel like. My lovers would appear and we would explode like a firework in the sky. Bright and Beautiful but often only for a moment and then after the high what was left was us waking up in the ashes of the house that burnt down around us. Some of these lovers were men I married in a blink of an eye, and others were men who kept me on a string for months as I chased it like a kitty on catnip.




Have you heard of attachment theory? If not you should read the book Attached by Amir Levine. Basically I happen to be a lovely combo of Anxious and Avoidant. What a treat right? Often I attracted men who were Avoidant who sent me in to an Anxious tailspin as I desperately tried pulling them close to me as they held me away at an arms length. Themselves afraid of intimacy.  If I happened upon a Secure man…which only happened once before I did my work, I sure as hell didn’t know what to do with him and I turned into the avoidant one and pushed him away and ran for the familiar comfort of someone unavailable to me. I did this so I didn’t have to really fear losing them. In fact when they threatened to leave me I did it first so I could be in control.



Doesn’t that sound fun? Well it didn’t feel like that at first. The high always feels good. Chemicals rushing and swirling around in the body, that run-away train feeling of “falling in love” as we dove headfirst in to an abyss of our stuff.  It was when we started sobering up that the realization of what we had here was two people were were in no way compatible for a real healthy relationship, settled in.



So as I learned about all these things I began to realize I had to change my attachment style myself so I had a healthy nervous system.  I began to do deep work to re-wire myself. I began to self sooth and calm that anxious part of me. I began to be ok with being alone. I began to realize how Secure people operate in relationship is quite different.


Anxious people are looking for the high, crazy chemistry and falling in love head over heels with someone who can give them the love they so desperately crave. Avoidant people are looking for “the one” and find fault with everyone else to keep them safe and away from true intimacy. Secure people just build a lasting relationship over time with someone they have passion with but who is a good match and it makes sense compatibility wise. In fact they are ok with or with out a relationship. They have other healthy relationships in their life and can do it alone but like to have partnerships when its a right fit. Different from the Anxious who needs it, and the Avoidant who pushes away from it.



It isn’t supposed to feel like hit of cocaine. It is supposed to feel good. Like go to bed early and do yoga in the morning with green juice good. Sober love.



So now I am sober dating. Yep. No drugs here.  I have had to override my default nervous system and sometimes I still glitch. But I am doing it the sober way this time. Slow. Gradual. Building over time.  After being alone for a solid few years. Instead of a firework I am looking to build a bonfire. A spark slowly growing into something that feels safe and warm that lasts. Time will tell but so far it feels really good.



Like go to bed early, do yoga in the morning with green juice good.



You are loved,





To read a humorous version of this that is so funny it’s sad click Here






I am one of the wild ones.

I am one of the wild ones.


I have gone down to the depths of the dark places of my soul

I have run with the wolves and howled at the moon.

I have wrestled with the fears of my own subconscious mind.

I have faced the monsters that lie under my bed.


I am one of the wild ones.


I wasn’t always this way.

For years I tried to tame this wild woman inside me.


Be quiet, be still, submit to a man,

“Change everything you are to be what I want” he said.

I tried to conform myself to gain their love.

Every time I was left. Not chosen.


Even if not physically my lovers left me long ago for other loves.

The love of substances, the love of the law, or the love of their own egos.


Then I saw her.

Brown innocent eyes.

Long dark hair.

She was standing there, bold yet scared.

I realized it was time to choose her.


I took that little girl by the hand.

I walked her towards the temple of love.

For I knew what was inside.


Inside stood a goddess that sparkled with golden light.

It surrounded her.

It was her.

She had long flowing locks.

She radiated love.

She was love.

She was me.


She was not a wild woman tamed.

She was a wild woman birthed.

A woman who fully embodied and owned her worth.

The power seemed to drip from her.

Instead of seeking love from others, she offered it instead.

She always knows the loving thing to say.

She always knows the loving thing to do.


I let my little girl soak up the fiery rays of love that radiated from her.

I let her soak in the pools in the temple of love until they enveloped her in warmth and she floated weightlessly.

I knew that before she could be a wild one,

Before she could be a goddess herself,

She would have to face the parts of herself she didn’t want to see.


She had to go down to the depths of the dark places of her soul.

She had to run with the wolves and howl at the moon.

She had to wrestle with the fears of her own subconscious mind.

She had to face the monsters that lie under her bed.


For if she never faced them she would stay trapped there forever.

Warring with the ghosts that haunted her.

So she opened every wound. She stared into the bloody bits of the past and felt it fully.

She didn’t look away. She stared them down with eyes wide open.

For to feel it fully is the only way to be free.


In doing so she became stronger.

They no longer held a grip over her mind and heart.

She was free.

Bit by bit she was becoming a wild one.

A goddess of love.

Bit by bit she radiated gold.


She became that wild woman.

The one who the right man would never seek to tame, but instead just fucking admire.

Never again would she conform.

Never again would she accept the words “you are not enough”

Never again would she not be chosen,

because she chose herself.


I am one of the wilds ones.

I have gone down to the depths of the dark places of my soul

I have run with the wolves and howled at the moon.

I have wrestled with the fears of my own subconscious mind.

I have faced the monsters that lie under my bed.


And I won.

-Amanda Leigh Thiessen

Is your ex the enemy?

I heard a great quote the other day “Anytime you make something the enemy it is always going to be a source of pain in your life.” Truth Bomb.

I had an exceptionally hard week with my Ex this week. A week that made me realize the difficulty is not going away any time soon and I better make peace with it.

I get a lot of follows from divorce accounts on social media, a lot of them are about recognizing Narcissists, and the negativity about your ex. As I was looking through some of those this week I was forced to unfollow them. Trust me, I get the need for tools to recognize things. It is important when you have been in a situation like that to know you are not crazy and to identify it. Let me tell you something though, there is no benefit to sitting in that and having your subconscious and conscious mind constantly filled with all the negativity about your situation.

I am coming to you here as someone who understands. I have been there. I am there. The truth is your ex is out of your control. Wether they are a narcissist or not. It is important that you safe guard yourself and not let their behavior violate boundaries (I am not excusing abuse or behavior that is dangerous to you or your children, please take appropriate action for that with legal authority.) but the only true thing you have control over is you and your mindset.

This is the tough grit of life I am talking about here. I get it. When they change their mind, or manipulate, or make poor choices that effect your child it is infuriating and a feeling of being powerless. I am here to tell you that you have a choice. You can either let it cause a reaction in you that really doesn’t change anything but make you miserable and reward the behavior with this reaction, or you can choose something else.

As long as your ex is your enemy you will keep suffering in pain. So what do we do? Begin to change your vocabulary about them. I understand you can’t “manifest” your ex’s serious issues away, but you can control how you speak about it, what your vision is for your future and how you handle it.

  1. Speak what you want. 
    Take the power away from you ex to dictate and control you. Choose how you react. Be the bigger person. Realize what is at stake here is your happiness. Your words are your wand, use them wisely. This includes how you talk about them to others, and what you speak about your future, and your situation. AKA complaining. There is a safe way to express this, but a low level of complaining constantly is a drain on your life, and CREATING your experience.
  2. Feel your feelings in a safe container.
    I do not think you should stuff your feelings down. I know there is a time for grief. I grieve the pain of my situation often. I feel it, then I let it pass through my system and then stand up and control what I can, which is me.I know the pain of handing your child over and not knowing what is happening. I get that. I do. So feel it fully. Then choose to not react from that place. Let me tell you this can ONLY happen once you do the inner work to show up as a fully healed confident healthy version of your self that can RESPOND this way instead of REACT.
  3.  Think about your ex as on your team.
    They are not the enemy. Focus on the good. I know it may be hard to find it but try really really hard to. Again I repeat: “Anytime you make something the enemy it is always going to be a source of pain in your life.” So do you want more pain? Or do you want a different outcome? Speak language such as “we” when speaking to them instead of finger pointing. Focus on the child and giving them meaningful childhood experiences. If you have no children this is an opportunity for you to neutralize your feelings towards them. This can only come from true forgiveness and healing.


  4. Unfollow any sort of negative social media focusing on bad ex’s, suffering through divorce ect. and get true support.
    This is crucial. You need a strong supportive container to move through this time. Your mindset is a key piece of this. I have consciously chosen to protect my mind from things like this. I unfollow all those accounts that focus on the negative and chose to dive in to intense coaching and personal development through both of my divorces. I provide a positive environment for those of you who are ready to stop playing the victim, take your future in your hands and CHANGE it. Healthy relationships start with healthy individuals. Let me help you get there. Only click on this link for a call with me if you are READY to take responsibility, READY to have a different outcome, READY to let go of your ex as the enemy, and READY to make drastic changes in your mindset and practices to have a different life.

If that sounds like you then click on this link to book a free 20 minute call with me: Clarity Call

Please know you are loved,



Monsters under the Bed

There are many moments going through divorce and heartbreak where the loneliness can engulf you.

Those of us navigating the deep dark waters of these trials are no stranger to this loneliness. In fact many of us experienced this when our ex partner was lying right beside us. We may have not declared to the world yet we were getting a divorce, or even decided ourselves, but deep down the complacency and deep loneliness was eating away at what was left of the relationship.

Truth is a person is not the cure. In fact many of us have looked for ways to numb this deep seeded lonliness through many different cure experiments. Sex, drugs, and alcohol are always the big ones, but it’s often the little cure experiments that can be just as harmful: food, exercise, work, social media, porn, even new friendships. All of these can be used as things we try to solve our deep seeded loneliness.

The thing I have found is whenever we have a deep seeded fear of something the only way out is to actually face it head on. It’s kinda like the monster under the bed. We can lie there and let the fear consume us. We can call people into the room to help calm us and tell us there is no monster, we can look up things online to help calm our nerves about the lack of evidence monsters exist. We can eat comforting foods to distract us and even buy all sorts of things online to help our monster fears. But the fear itself is only dissolved when we gather up the courage to look under the bed with our very own eyes and face our fear DEAD ON. When we do so we realize there is nothing there to fear. It all dissipates, and we can finally go to sleep.

By facing your fears you free yourself. So facing your fear of loneliness, facing your fear of failure facing your fear of anything is the key.

I help my clients do this through a basic technique of fear clearing. We cover all sorts of areas from body and health fears, to fears of failure and being alone. If you are interested in a clearing session I would love to chat with you about that. Shoot an email to me at

In the meantime, don’t try to avoid it. Feel it. FEEL all of it. Allow yourself to go there. What if you are alone and lonely for the rest of your life? What if you always struggle with money or your health?  What if things are always contentious between you and your ex? Allow yourself to feel it fully till it starts to soften. Slowly it will. You will realize there is no power there. In THAT lies your freedom.


You are loved,








Wired for Wrong Love

I had a dream last night about a guy who was interested in me in college. He was very much a gentleman and walked me to my dorm often. He was tall, handsome and distinguished. A true catch.


But I was not interested. I think his level of maturity scared me. It was a conservative Bible college and I was rough around the edges. I was confused why he even liked me. I didn’t feel worthy of his attention. He made his feelings known and I rejected him.


What I wouldn’t give to have that guy asking me out now. I looked him up. Of course he is happily married with a beautiful family. As he should be. Healthy people can do that.


Instead I picked the guy who had a major history of dependency on drugs, alcohol, and jail time.  Yep. I was wired for it. Now this person didn’t show up this way when we were dating. Oh no. He said and did all the right things and I felt I was with the most wonderful guy on campus.


Fast forward to when we got married and real life hit and everything changed. Even though I deeply wanted real love and a great Christian marriage my internal imprint was wired to be attracted to guys who treated me less than valuable. I also wasn’t innocent in the whole thing.


This same imprint wired me to operate in the masculine to protect myself and often be-little my men, and sabotage relationships. I had no clue what I was doing.


Why do some have healthy relationships and some do not? Why are some people just wired to be attracted unhealthy people? Because it feels normal. If we have been imprinted with this kind of love we are destined to go for it. Every. Single. Time.


It takes more than two people who are attracted to each other, have the best intentions and even the same belief system to have a healthy flourishing relationship and marriage. It just takes more.


Unless we switch something, we are destined for more of the same. We have to go in and literally re-wire our sub conscious mind. This is what I help my clients do. This is what I have spent the last 7 years doing. I didn’t have a path laid out for me and had to find my own way. That’s not what I want for you. I want to streamline it for you. It is a process but when you have the steps laid out for you it can be effective and powerful.


Last Friday on my #fearlessfriday video I talked about the three stages of Love,  what they look like and how they can lead to divorce. My passion is not just to help those who are wading through the confusion of divorce, but maybe even prevent them from having to in the first place.


You can do the work. It starts with you. So what will it be? More of the same or do you want to change your wiring for love?


Book a call Here 

You are loved,



The truth about being a single mom….

It’s hard and it’s easy. It’s lonely, and it’s busy. It’s normal and it’s not. It’s constricting and it’s freeing. It’s all the above. It’s really a hybrid of two worlds.

There are two kinds of single mom’s out there the kind that have the father involved and the kind that do not. I am the first. I say kudos to the second. Although I have no family here or support in California so I guess God always gives us what we can handle right?

Maybe. Sometimes it feels like more.

Here are a few things you can bet about single moms:

Hard workers– We have to be. No one else is going to provide it for us. We get that shiz done.

Money Conscious – If we weren’t into budgeting before we certainly will be now.

Lonely yet want time alone- this is a constant contrast. Sometimes we want people around us and miss a companion and a man. Other times we just want. a. break. and NO one to bother us.

Don’t have time to waste dating losers- Single moms have minimal time to date. I only date when my daughter is with her father. I don’t mix dating and my kid. I also don’t want to pay a babysitter to go on a freakin’ date.

Are not looking for a baby daddy-  My child has a father and he loves her very much. I am not expecting a man to jump in and step parent. In fact you can bet you won’t even meet her for a LONG LONG time…..if ever *wink

Need to let loose sometimes- Ya we have responsibilities, but we still want to have a night out to sing karaoke, or dance. We are still us. We just can’t do what we want…..hardly ever.

We sometimes we feel guilty- We know its not ideal this one parent thing. But really we did the best we could. We wish we could give our kids a sibling, or a “normal” family. But this is what it is. We also feel guilty that we like our alone time when the child is with the other parent. It’s not a bad thing to have some us time. But the moment we hand them over you can bet we miss them……we always miss them.

We like that we get to call the shots with our kids – a plus if the father isn’t involved is we get to make all the decisions about our child. And if he is at least we can choose  what we do when they are on our time.

We love our kids…. – Yes it is a tough situation but we wouldn’t change it for the world. These children are straight up blessings.


Being a single mom can be really hard. It’s hard to do everything your self and not to fear sometimes that you won’t be able to juggle it all. We really do want a great man. We still crave romance, want to be swept off our feet and thought of as lovely. We still want to fall in love again some day. We are not jaded or angry, we are just realists and have to be in this chaotic world.

Being a single mom can also ROCK. Unlike some mom’s who are knee deep in the kid thing and hardly remember who they are, we get a lot of time to ourselves (if we share custody) where we can just be us again! Sleep in, drink wine, laugh, work our passions and fall in love with ourselves again.

There is a bit of a hybrid feeling. We are not fully single and able to travel the world and go do what we want. We are also not fully in family mode and having 2nd and 3rd kids. We are in the middle. One foot in mom land, one foot in single land. But we don’t really fit in either place. That can be lonely. To feel misunderstood.

Lucky for me my roommate is a singe mama too. We have each others backs and we totally get this weird wacky world we live in. For that I am grateful.


So that’s the truth……..










You sent a text
It’s like the wind changed your mind
We were best friends
Yeah, we were building a life

With every kiss, and every letter
Every promise of forever, oh
But you hit “Send”
And disappeared in front of my eyes

And now you’re just a ghost
When I look back never would have known that
You could be so cold
Like a stranger vanish like a vapor
There’s just an echo where your heart used to be
Now I see it clearly
And there’s just a pillow where your head used to sleep
My vision’s 20/20
I see through you now

Ghost- Katy Perry





I have gone on about 30 dates since January of this year. Most of them were done with a broken heart and spirit.

You cannot force yourself to get over someone faster. I happened upon a man at the wrong time last fall. We were classic right person wrong time scenario. Both going through divorce. Both extremely not ready to meet. Yet we were brought together, only to be taken apart. (You may remember him from this post.)

The pain of it forced me to start this blog. To start this journey of helping others. For that I will always be grateful to him. For many months, I’ve thought I have seen him on the corners of streets, or in the shadows of a booth in a bar. We have not crossed paths once.

I have driven past his house and thought to go knock. But I never have. That doesn’t fit me now. A woman who shows up begging for someone to choose her.

It’s not his fault or mine. We just had time against us. I have truly let him go. There are moments a song comes on and I search my heart for a twinge, that familiar pain that pinches at my nose. There is nothing.  I read back at the writings I did from then, pouring out my heart and I feel nothing.


It is truly done. He is just a ghost in my past. Vaporized.


This is the first time I have dated in my life. I got married at 22. I never had dates.

Well now I certainly have.


I have had, short dates, bald dates, cocky dates, stood up dates, and waste of my time dates.


Recently I had the long distance date. A man who truly got my attention. It was a breath of fresh air.  A man who we connected every day for a month and some change. Lot’s of promises of future visits and lot’s of emotional investment through words. Spoken and written. Suddenly as fast as he came, he is gone. Not a word of explanation. Vanished.  I truly will never understand the way people can do this modern-day phenomenon of “Ghosting”. It truly feels horrible and like a cowardly way to operate. He was 39 years old. I told him  in the beginning I didn’t have time for boys. He promised me he wasn’t. He was.


I have hung up my dating hat and deleted the profiles for a while at least. I have been on a hunt for love for a long time. Since many years ago when I had my first taste of love lost. I have searched. I have gone deep down in my dark places to shine light on any cracks that needed healing. I have done it all in the pursuit of love and to Just. Stop. The. Pain.


So now I stop.  I have done all I can to truly heal all of me.  I stop because I know I am enough as is. I stop because there is nothing left to do. I stop because I need to not search for a while. Honestly I can say I am not doing this and secretly hoping “oh now I will meet him because I am “not looking” No really. I have pure complacency and detachment. If someone great happens to come my way during this time, then I will welcome it with open arms. But I am tired of wanting something that I don’t have.

Instead I will focus on why my life is awesome as a single person and just as it is. I will focus on GIVING love to everyone I meet instead of looking for it. I will focus on helping my dear clients who are lost in the pain and confusion of Divorce.

Here is my plan. Every day I write out why my life is AWESOME right now. I also do one thing a day that will make me happy. I will learn to fall in love with my own life. No man needed…..


To all the Ghosts out there I say “BOO….” you don’t scare me anymore.



You are loved,


Amanda Leigh






When you are alone on Canada Day/ 4th of July

It’s holiday time again. Every holiday that creeps up when you’re going through divorce or heartbreak can be a slap in the face reminder of your situation. Even if some time has passed from your divorce it can still hurt.

For me it is extra hard because I have no family here in Santa Barbara. My family is home in Canda, and it’s just Audrey my two year old. Like usual we will find something to do this weekend, but sometimes it stings to look around at the families BBQing on the beach, or couples holding hands on the boardwalk.

Holidays are a chance for you to check in where you are at in your process. The truth is we all know even in a relationship those times can be incredibly lonely. In fact I would rather be alone than be in the types of relationships that I used to be in with unavailable men.

The holidays were painful, and I often had high expectations that were never met. Expectations coupled with being with a man who was either getting drunk to numb himself, on his phone ignoring me, or so fearful of love and unavailable that I was miserable trying to convince him the entire time. (All different men!)

Some times it is better to be alone. I shake my head in disbelief at what I used to put up with. What I used to think wasn’t settling. I want so much more now. I desire a fully present man. I now know I am worthy of it.

I know this weekend can be painful for you depending on where you are at in the process. Even when you have done tons of work to shift your mindset and worked through your stuff, holidays can trigger the strongest of souls.

Hang tight my friend. This too shall pass. I believe pain can be a propeller to growth if we let it. Joy is always magnified when you have pain to compare it with. Some day I will look back on this time and it will make me so incredibly grateful for what I now have. I truly believe my love story is not over yet.

In the meantime here are some tips to get you through the holidays if you are alone

1. Make plans – do your best to find some friends or something fun to do so you are not alone. Sometimes I straight up tell my friends I need to not be alone this weekend. I ask when I can tag along with their family. Usually they are more than happy to have us and allow us to be a part of their weekend. Most people really don’t know the pain of being alone through divorce unless they have been through it. You have to ask for help and more often than not they want to help you.

2. Look for the blessing- there are always things to be grateful for even if you are alone. Try to make a gratitude list each day over the holiday weekend to help you stay in the right perspective.

3. Make your own fun– If you have shared custody and you only have your children for part of the holiday make that part really fun. Your kids don’t care about what you do as much as they want to be with you and have fun doing it. They can feel your energy and the happier you are they will follow suit. Find ways to increase your joy with your kids. Have a water gun fight, go camping, or have a fire pit in the back yard.

4. Find a way to serve- Service really gets you out of your own head and into your heart. You realize life doesn’t revolve around your pain and there are others who desperately need what you have to give. I know the holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas are easier to find ways to give but this holiday you can make your own way. Look for it I bet you can find it

Here is my final tip for this holiday weekend! Join my Divorcing with Dignity Summit. This weekend is the final replay period of all 21 of the amazing interviews. If you are alone and have time on your hands it is a great way to learn some great truths on what steps you need to take to move through this time of your life effectively and come out the other side.  Click Here and join the other 600+ people who are watching this amazing Summit.

As always I am here if you need support reach out!


You are loved dear one, and so am I




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